I shouldn't be allowed near computers.

Our wireless connection hasn't worked for the past 4 weeks.

We would fire up the lap-top and patiently wait for it to connect to the internet only to be told time and time again that "No wireless connection could be detected"

I tried everything - turning off all firewalls, repairing the connection, moving the computer from room to room, microsofting (aka rebooting)... to no avail.

So yesterday I took a very deep breath and called our service providers technical support. They were very polite and went over the problem systematically:

Techie: "Do you have Windows XP, or Windows 2000?"

Me: "Mmmm, I don't know....It's a relatively new computer, only a year old..."

By now the techie has figured out that I'm an idiot.

Techie: "Is the wireless key on the computer switched on?"

Me:"Ummm, yeah I think so.... is there an actual switch? Cos if there is, I haven't switched it off"

Techie: "Look on the computer, there should be a switch"

At this point I've lifted the laptop up and am looking all over and around it, when I notice the wireless switch,... and it's off!

So I switch it on and then say...

Me:"OK, I've found the switch and it is on"

Techie: (Realising that I'm lying through my teeth) "OK, switch it off and then switch it back on again"

Me:"Wow, that worked! It's detecting the wireless connection! Fantastic, thank you so much. It's that darn Microsoft, always having to switch things off and on again to make them work!"

Techie: (Rolling his eyes, thinking 'Yeah, blame the software!') "You're welcome, anytime"